Mary Beth Writes

“Decision fatigue helps explain why ordinarily sensible people get angry at colleagues and families, splurge on clothes, buy junk food at the supermarket and can’t resist the dealer’s offer to rustproof their new car. No matter how rational and high-minded you try to be, you can’t make decision after decision without paying a biological price.”  (https://www.nytimes.com/2011/08/21/magazine/do-you-suffer-from-decision-...)

HO-HO-HO!  It’s the Choosing Season! Time to overdose on small but endless decisions.

Will you make a big dinner to be shared by some people and Oh Lord, how do you decide who’s coming to dinner this year?  What should you cook and who should bring what?

How many months have you been working on making and buying, thrifting and wrapping presents? Selecting holiday cards (if you do that) and writing the insert letter (if you do that) and then buying wrapping paper while you’re at that stationery-inclined store. (Such as Target.) Or are you using re-useable bags, which you made in your spare time?  Did you buy this stuff on sale last January and now you have to find it in your house?

Decorations. Are last year’s lights still working?  Who’s going to buy /get the tree out of the attic and set it up? How irritated is the person who “does” the tree going to be at family members who don’t help?

What “special events” should you go to? Concerts? Movies? The Nutcracker with grandkids and nieces? The Messiah?  Are your kids in school and church programs? Do you need to get them special outfits? Who gets to decide what the 7-year old is going to buy to wear this year? You or them?

Have you ever shopped for presents for more than ten people during the same shopping trip? Shudder, I have, too.

I remember an entire multi-hours-long session when Len and I ordered most of our our presents on Amazon. We had earned points from our health insurance and we assumed the exercise that led to $500 in reward points was the hard part.  Not.  Ex: Finding the two action figures that the two nephew wanted took more than one hour.  By the end of that evening Len and I couldn’t talk to each other– we were exhausted, frazzled, depleted, and spent.

So here’s the frugal-skill thing. In addition to deciphering what we will and won’t spend on presents etc. for the holidays – are we respecting how exhausted we can become from the endless parade of decisions that need to be made?

Sometimes making decisions can be liberating. I remember the year I gave up baking Christmas cookies altogether. Not making cookies saved hours per season. Another year I realized that since I write all the time, most of my friends more or less know what’s going on in our family so I gave up Christmas cards. Another evening cleared up.

Some decisions were hard to make. My parents bought a fluffy new dress for me to wear each Christmas of my childhood.  It took years to get used to NOT buying new clothes for my kids just because it was a holiday.  Then again, once that became my norm I was sincerely happy with less money spent and more time reading books to my kids.  

I like deciding to not do things.  I like the surprise of what can spill into freed-up evenings and afternoons.

Many of us have an internal voice that confidently announces, “I can save a lot of money if I make that (Insert here: Yule Log, matching pajamas for an entire family, complicated decorations, etc.) from scratch”.  But sometimes the most frugal thing to do is to skip the extra effort altogether.  

We should count and tally our decisions as carefully as we count and manage our money.

The holidays are festive when extra effort is spent on a FEW things.  We should be careful we don’t turn ourselves into circus barkers hawking one sideshow after another.

I’m pretty old now. If I have learned anything, it’s these few things.  

1. I can’t recreate the holidays of my childhood. This is a different family and different time. I try to really see the family and friends in front of me, instead of trying to preserve and recreate rituals invented by other generations.

2. When my kids were little and I ran out of holiday-prep steam I reminded myself that not only was I creating adorable memories for them, I was also teaching by osmosis what adult women will and won’t do to pull off “a perfect holiday”.  I figured if they saw me reading a novel three days before Christmas, they  might someday become adults who didn’t need to “do it all”.   I succeeded. They are all energetic but none “does it all”.

3. If someone offers to do or bring something, accept. Once upon a time I micromanaged a lot. Now I only micromanage when I’m tired, scared, or frustrated. Which is the clue, right? 

Holiday magic is not about performed perfection. It isn’t accomplishing every little thing. What we all crave is to spend some time with others. To be able to give and receive. To eat something tasty, to see light in the darkness, to hear music, to prepare a path for hope. We can pull off all of this with a radio, a sandwich, a kind act, and a friend.

Comments

Lovely sentiments. I'm taking them to heart.

The only Christmas decorations in the house is a leather and fur cowboy boot stocking and two small felt Santa & Mrs. Claus figures that have been sitting out since last year. I didn't dig out the Christmas music instead I went to hear Big Bad Voodoo Daddy's Christmas show. (Fun , I met some really nice people) I don't buy cards or gifts so no stress about that. Instead I try and do good deeds for people. Some I know others I don't... Merry Christmas to all :)
Mary Beth's picture

Love it!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jlkYMobBCGI

An important message. I work less this month so that I can merry more. I decide on a day to day basis what I want to do. Our advent calendar is low-key but based on doing kind deeds which means we're spending time together every night as a family. Can't ask for more than that!
Mary Beth's picture

Thanks and Best Wishes doing Love and Generosity with your kids!

I raise my glass to time spent with loved ones, in uncomplicated ways where laughter reigns. Grace to you, Mary Beth. Patricia/Fl
Mary Beth's picture

I'll drink to that!

Add new comment

CAPTCHA

This question is for testing whether or not you are a human visitor and to prevent automated spam submissions.

Frugal? Road Trip to New Mexico

If our finances were stretched we wouldn’t have gone to New Mexico. We are doing fine despite the advice that says one ought to retire with a million dollars in the bank. Imagine that.

1. We and, at this point, about half the nation, have had our Covid vaccines so we felt safe and ready to see something new. However, we traveled to a place where they had worked WITH the effort to fight this pandemic. This limited our choices and is the #1 reason we didn’t go to the Badlands. How we spend $ is our power.

The Mindful Chickens are Wordy Today

Other people call them “frugal things I did lately”. I call them Mindful Chickens because they are about:

  • Being Cheap (cheap, cheep).
  • Being thoughtful about how choices affect our community and our earth.
  • Paying attention to the constant tumble of dollars and choices.

This is my collection of wise choices and dastardly schemes from the last two months.

ONE: Our electric toothbrush/water pick would no longer hold a charge but a new one costs more than $100. Len took it to the battery store where they replaced it for $15.

Mindful Chickens - Plastic & Hunger 12/20/2020

I went for a walk on Wednesday and saw this mitten on a sidewalk. When I was at the same spot on Friday, it was still there, so I brought it home because it is a hand-knitted kid mitten, ya know? Any knitters out there interested in making it a mate, so that we could give it to a kid in my community or your? It's 7" from top to ribbed bottom. 

...

The point of “Mindful Chickens” is to spend less money while being mindful of the environment and our human values. We can try, right?

Holy Mackerel! Mindful Chickens 12/12/2020

Yamiche and Weijia licking out the mackerel bowl this morning.

...

I said I would write “mindful things” we did this week. The agenda of “Mindful Chickens” is to spend less money plus be mindful of the environment and our other values at the same time. Sometimes, one of those purposes wins over the other, but we can think before we spend, right?

1. I cut my hair. This is not a particular skill of mine, but I can do it well enough to not look like the Pittsburgh Paint Dutch boy.

Who Let the Chickens Out?

Mindful Chickens i.e., being frugal and living by our values instead of by blithering consumerism is how this blog started. Yet I seldom post lists anymore about choices Len and I make that hit that marker because I can tell from who follows me that this is not why most of you are here.

But today I have a lot of things I want to accomplish. Preparing the Light Posts takes me a long time so I am not going to do one – I do plan to be back at it Monday.

7-6-2020 Mindful QUARANTINED Chickens

(Thanks, KJR, for the funny fluffy chicken photo!) 

Other people call them “frugal things I did lately”. I call them Mindful Chickens because they are about:

Tag Cloud

9/11 17 minutes 500 Words AARPtaxes AAUW Acadia Accountable Advent antlers apples Arrows Ashland Augustine baby balance Baldwin Barkskins Beauty Becky Becoming Esther Berry birthday bistro BLM BookReport boy scout Bread BrokenDays BuyAngry Cahokia calendars Canada cats cello Choosing Christmas cilantro Cinnabuns circus clouds Clowns clutter Colonialism comet ComfortZone CommonSense consumerism Cops Corvid-19 Courage Covid-19 Crazy creditreport creosote CrimeShows death Debate December DecisionFatigue decluttering depression Destination Today Detroit disasterprep dollhouse Dreams Duty Easter eBay Eclipse EmilyDickinson Esquipulas exit polls Fable FairTrade farmer firealarm Fitness Five Flexible flu Fort de Chartres frame Franc FrancGarcia friends frugal Frugality frustration Ft.Ticonderoga Gannets Garden GarfieldParkConservatory Gaspe genius geode GeorgeFloyd ghosts gorgons GovernorThompsonStatePark groceries Guatemala guns happiness HaveYouEver? Healthinsurance HelleKBerry heroes hike History home HomeRepair Honduras Hope HouseinBlueRiver hurricane impeachment Innkeeper integrity InternetPrivacy Interview InviteMe2Speak James Baldwin JoyceAndrews Judy JulianofNorwich justice Karen Lamb LangstonHuges LaphamPeak laundry LeeLeeMcKnight lemming Len Light Lincoln Little Women LockedOut Love Ludington Macaw macho Manitoulin MargaretFuller Maria Hamilton Marquette marriage masks Mayan MayaWorks MindfulChickens Mistakes moon Mother MothersDay mouser movies museums must-haves Nancy Drew New Mexico New York City Nomadland Ocotillo OscarRomero osprey Outside oximeter PastorBettyRendon Paul Hessert PDQ Penny persimmon poetry Preaching privacy Protest Quern quest Rabbit holes racism recipe recipes Remember Reruns responsetoKapenga Retirement rhubarb rime RitesofPassage Roses Ruth SamaritanWoman Sanctuary Sandhillcranes Santuario de Chimayo SaraRodriguez sculpture Sermon ServantsoftheQuest sewing Shepherd Shontay ShortStory sick sickness Slower snow Social Security SofritoBandito SpaceShuttle spring square feet staining stele Stereotypes StoryStarts stress Survival swim taxes teenager thankgsgiving Thanksgiving TheBridge ThePerpetualYou ThreeBillBoards ThreeThings TidalBore TimeBeing toddler Tom tortillas Trains travel Traveler Tubing turtle Twilight Bark Tyrone UnrelatedObservations urgency vacation vaccine Valentines vanilla Vietnam VivianWokeUpDrowning vole WalkingAndSeeing Wampanaog war WarsanShire weather weaving wedding WhyAttendChurch WillaCather Wisteria
Ad Promotion