Mary Beth Writes

(Unripe tomatillos are beautiful.)

Today I am sharing some thoughts not about the election.

I plan to have very strong feelings once the winner of the presidential election, plus the many down-ballot contests, are known. If there is craziness and violence and civil uproar, I will care right away.

But right now, while we don’t know, I don’t want breathless reporting on how dry the paint is.

We've got a few more hours. 

I’m reading Outpedaling “The Big C - My healing cycle across America by Elizabeth McGowan. (Previous blog post here.)

Liz and I were friends the several years we both lived in Racine. She’s a good writer; I am not reading this to do her a favor. I’m reading it to see how bicycling 4000 miles will change this woman who lived years dealing with the kind of cancer that took her dad’s life.

Liz and I realized early that we had both had impressive fathers who were often angry and who died when we were teenagers - and this marked us like tattoos. We became women who knew enough to not accept male anger – but we also knew we would walk a long, long way to go around it if we could.

Today I read; “No photos I had of him hinted at his explosiveness. My father’s ire went far beyond impatience. His raw, volcanic temper was unpredictable and downright scary.” (page 42)

When I read that, I remember the coffee shop we were in, the eggs on my plate, the relief it was to talk with a veteran of the same battle. Not to be pitied, not to be coddled, not to be patronized. It was what it was. I remember her also commenting, “I think of the ways it could have been worse and wasn’t. Grateful for that.”

Yup.

I have been thinking about what we mean by “macho.” People, usually male, who are not anxious about intimidating others. People who consider themselves strong, however they define that. People, often male, who veer between being a leader and being a bully. People like my dad and other relatives, some co-workers, customers at jobs I’ve had. So many of the correctional officers in the jail. My office mate during those years.

Power that comes from anger is so much different than power that comes from respect and compassion.

But, like I’m saying, I’m not talking about the election.

Hah.

Halloween night there was a second full moon in this month. Mary Invited us to meet her at Retzer Nature Center. Len had never been there before. He brought his tripod.

Just up from the horizon.

 

Blue Moon and Mars. I can't see Mars, either. But Len says it's there so it's there. 

I was becoming anxious thinking of the long winter ahead of us.

I said to Len, “I think it’s time to get pets again.”

He laughed. He is not very macho about determining who we let in or don’t let in.

We mentioned this idea to our kids. Within ten minutes (these kids who can go days without communicating) all of them were were sending photos of pets who need adopters.

We did some shelter applications until one morning there was a mouse in the kitchen and Len mentioned that if we were going to get cats soon, we might as well get them now.

By five that afternoon we were sitting on the floor in the “bonded pairs” room of the Waukesha Humane Society. We were there to meet and adopt sibling cats, one of whom look a lot like a Siamese, cats who were about five years old. Cool. Len pulled the brother cat out of a cubby. It was hard to grab him, he didn’t want to come out. When Len let go of him he climbed into his sister’s cubby whereupon they became a taciturn feline cube of fur.

Meanwhile, a cat who was patchy and not wildly attractive in any conventional sense of that, walked over to me and sat on my lap. I was surprised and said hello. She purred. Her sister, who is, well, very ample about the middle and some of that girth swings a little as she strolls … she walked over to lean against Len.

So that was a done deal. The shelter person laughed. “They are 13 years old and they have been here two months.”

We were chosen by rather plain, good natured, rather old cats. Like likes like?

So now we have two cats.

Like I say, we’re not talking about the election here. But we named our cats Yamiche (Alcindor) and Weijia (Yang). Two award-winning journalists we admire. Journalists who are not white and blonde; Trump has dissed and disrespected both of them. Weijia and Yamiche (the cats) are unflappable, affectionate, interested in life and dinner. They enjoy if one tosses a toy; they will go over and look at it and then mosey on. Yamiche likes to nap under comforters. Weijia spent 10 hours Sunday night to Monday morning staring at our back door. Not easily bored.

Weijia can stare at things for a very long time. 

Yes, Yamiche is under there. 

...

May the Force be with us. 

 

Comments

I had a father like that and also somehow managed to have a seven year relationship with a man like him. I was fortunate that my dad lived until I was in my late 50's -- he mellowed (mostly) and his angry times were less frequent -- I had the opportunity to make peace with the anger I felt toward him for his behavior when I was a child. I was also was fortunate to end the relationship with the angry man.I love your cat story. Do you live in Waukesha now? Did you by any chance attend the UCC church there when Howard Bowman was the pastor? He and his wife Jeanne were good friends to me when they lived in Illinois.
Mary Beth's picture

I am sure my dad would have been interesting to know as one adult to another. I know enough of his boyhood to understand that it was deeply traumatic and scarring. And like the nursery rhyme about little girl with the curl - when he was good he was very, very good. I know now much of the stress he lived through as a kid and then as an entrepreneur. Too many dreams, not enough stability. Stress. But it damages kids in so many different ways to grow up in that and when we have our first adult partners, it's hard to figure out what we need and will support and what we need to walk away from. We go to a UU church. I don't know those names, for which I'm sorry. UCC was a good place and time.

Thank you so much for adopting! What fun...
Mary Beth's picture

A sweet and funny note to our adopting - because they were over 5 (way over 5) and because they were a "bonded pair" - there was no adoption fee! Tho we made a donation. Stopped at a pet store on the way home and spent $78. So, free but not free... They are wonderful cats. We were lucky they picked us.

Love, thank you..

We are at the point where we NEED another dog and a couple of cats. Those are both hard to come by commodities here in rural southern VT. What? I need to put the word out before the spring kitten season. Our shelter does have some kittens just now but it is a first come, etc and make an appointment. I haven’t felt like leaving the house this week... Regardless of who wins this pres election, I plan to redouble our efforts to support our local food pantry And all the hungry folks out there. Thanksgiving and Christmas are going to be really hard for a lot of people, y’all.
Mary Beth's picture

It was intimidating to do this process. One can't just visit a shelter and see who appeals - you "pick" via their website. And then go there and anything can happen. We have had many amazing pets in our life. We've also had some less-than-stellar ones. And right now, there seem to be somewhat fewer candidates. Though the Waukesha shelter had a LOT of cats. Maybe you should come here!

The moon is the small white patch to the left of the tree, Mars is the tiny white dot high on the right.
Mary Beth's picture

I knew you would explain it....

The cats look very nice. How nice of you to take the older ones. We are so happy with 6 year old Ellie. She is so polite! She doesn't walk on counters, she doesn't beg for food or claw furniture. There can definitely be advantages to an older cat(s). Was the moon really that orange color? Wow, nice pix, Len. And I did see Mars.

Oh Marybeth. Yamiche is my “girl crush” . She is so good. I was less familiar with Weijia, but now I remember. She got Trump to storm out of a press briefing. Well done. Please keep up with this writing. I so look forward to it, and feel like I am reconnecting with a wise friend.

Add new comment

CAPTCHA

This question is for testing whether or not you are a human visitor and to prevent automated spam submissions.

WHITE CAKE!

The picture is our wedding cake, made by my friend Karen, who drove it from Indiana to Chicago on the hottest day of that year. It was in the back seat so their two little boys had to ride in front (remember when kids could ride in front?). They got lost in the city but I didn't know that for years because Karen and her husband start early and had time to get lost and then figure it out. Sometimes wedded bliss is a lot of work. 

The following story and recipe is not about the wedding cake, but it is the photo I have...

...

6/30/2022

How Do We Remember What We Remember?

6/30/2022

The Jan 6 Hearings, huh? This is an amazing moment in US history and I’m trying to understand our incredibly intense response. Four of 10 voters have watched at least some of the hearings, which is 20,000,000 people. It’s not just me that can’t look away.

Our Terrible Canoe Adventure

The eagle photo was taken by Len - but not on this trip! 

6/23/2022

We are fine but I have a tale to tell.

American Successes / American Failures

Did you ever have to tell the truth when it was hard? Did you ever lie to avoid a hard situation?  Did you ever know a hard, wrong thing but you told no one because it was going to be complicated and some people wouldn’t believe you and you might end up disrespected or worse for “telling on” someone else?

Most people work hard at learning truth-telling when they are 4 and 5-years old.

Molecule Moving

6/8/2022     

I didn’t know a Panoply of Dental Moments was coming my way this week, but such is life with teeth. One can brush, floss, slosh, and swish - but if one’s teeth want to crumble, they do. Yesterday I had my six-month cleaning. The hygienist said several times that I brush and floss beautifully. I was proud and thinking maybe I would give myself a “well-done” sticker when I got home. Then the dentist came in to do the check-up and said two fillings had cracks around them and needed to be replaced.

Rough Stories, Tough Week

6/1/2022 

Last Friday evening on PBS Tonight David Brooks said something like this. “I am afraid for all of us. The news just pummels us.”

There are as many tough stories as there are fingers on a closed fist. The shooting in Uvalde. The shooting in Buffalo. The corrupt power of the NRA and other obscene wealth-mongers that are destroying our society from the inside of elected reps’ pockets outwards. Ukraine. Global climate mayhem. Oh, and covid is everywhere. Less traumatic for most; long covid for some. So that’s six fingers on that pugilistic fist.

Tag Cloud

9/11 17 minutes 500 Words AARPtaxes AAUW abortion Acadia accident Accountable Advent anniversary antlers apples appointments Arrows art Ashland August Augustine baby Badlands balance Baldwin Barkskins Beauty Becky Becoming Esther Berry birthday bistro BLM BookReport books boy scout Bread BrokenDays BuyAngry Cabeza de Vaca Cahokia calendars Canada canoe cat romance cats cello Chicago China Choosing Christmas cilantro Cinnabuns circus clouds Clowns clutter Colonialism comet ComfortZone CommonSense community consumerism Cops Corvid-19 Courage Covid-19 Crazy creditreport creosote CrimeShows death Debate December DecisionFatigue decluttering democracy dentist depression Destination Today Detroit Didion disasterprep dogs dollhouse Dreams Duty Easter eBay Eclipse EmilyDickinson eschatology Esquipulas exit polls eyes Fable FairTrade family farmer firealarm Fitness Five Flexible flu Fort de Chartres frame Franc FrancGarcia friends frugal Frugality frustration Ft.Ticonderoga Gannets Garden GarfieldParkConservatory Gaspe genius geode GeorgeFloyd gerrymandering ghosts gifts girls gorgons GovernorThompsonStatePark Graduation granola groceries Guatemala gum guns happiness HaveYouEver? hawks healthcare Healthinsurance hearings heart HelleKBerry heroes hike History home HomeRepair Honduras Hope hurricane impeachment Innkeeper Instincts integrity InternetPrivacy Interview InviteMe2Speak James Baldwin Jan 6 Janus JoyceAndrews Judy JulianofNorwich justice Karen Lamb LangstonHuges LaphamPeak laundry LeeLeeMcKnight lemming Len Light Lincoln Little Women LockedOut Loki loneliness Love Ludington Macaw macho Manitoulin MargaretFuller Maria Hamilton Marquette marriage Marsden Hartley masks Mayan MayaWorks meme Memories men Middlemarch MilesWallyDiego MindfulChickens Mistakes MLK moon Mother MothersDay mouser movies museums must-haves Mustapha Nancy Drew New Mexico New York City Nomadland Ocotillo OnaJudge OscarRomero osprey Outside oximeter Parade mayhem PastorBettyRendon Paul Hessert PDQ Penny persimmon photos Pi Pies pineapples poetry Preaching privacy Protest Quern quest Questions Rabbit holes racism recipe recipes recommendations Remember RepresentationMatters Reruns responsetoKapenga Retirement rhubarb rime RitesofPassage Rosemary Ruether Roses Ruth SamaritanWoman Sanctuary Sandhillcranes Santuario de Chimayo SaraRodriguez sculpture Sermon ServantsoftheQuest sewing Shepherd Shontay ShortStory shoulder sick sickness Slower snow Social Security SofritoBandito solstice South Dakota SpaceShuttle spring square feet staining stele Stereotypes StoryStarts stress Survival swim taxes teenager thankgsgiving Thanksgiving TheBridge TheMaid ThePerpetualYou ThreeBillBoards Three Things ThreeThings TidalBore TimeBeing toddler Tom tortillas Trains travel Traveler Tubing turtle Twilight Bark Tyrone Ukraine UnrelatedObservations Up North urgency vacation vaccine Valentines vanilla Vietnam VivianWokeUpDrowning vole volunteer WalkingAndSeeing Wampanaog war WarsanShire weather weaving wedding whines WhyAttendChurch Willa WillaCather Wisteria
Ad Promotion