Mary Beth Writes

The photo is from a trip to Arizona that Len and I took several years ago. His employer had said he had to take vacation time.  We sat here in our office not knowing where to go or what to do; it came up that fast. We looked up cheap flights from Milwaukee,; Phoenix popped up for $150 round trip. That was how we decided.

Of course, we rented a car and stayed in motels and ate in restaurants so no, it wasn’t a $300 vacation.

I don’t remember where we ended up the first day but we saw a state park, pulled in, and hiked our first desert hike. It was February and we’d been wearing parkas the day before. Now we were cruising a desert in jeans and t-shirts, agog at saguaro cacti.  I can’t remember why we split for a while, but I had to hike through a wide creek and thick grass that grew along the bottom of what was probably a river other times of the year.  I came up over a low hill and saw Len taking a photo of the hawk that is on that cactus.  

Curiosity and love. 

9/11  

I remember 9/11 the way you probably do, with particular images etched into my mind. I was standing, my hand was on the doorway of the family room when the second plane flew into the second tower. To this day I see the room I was in, the TV on its stand, the plane on the TV. I understood as I gripped the frame of the door that people were dying right then.

Ascene from a book I’d read years before popped into my mind. The novel was D.M. Thomas’ 1981 novel, The White Hotel. The story is told as an erotic journal. It’s the 1920’s and a fictionalized Freud unsuccessfully analyzes an opera singer who is suffering phantom pain. Freud (in the novel) insists her pain arises from repressed memory. She’s not so sure, she relates a dream. She eventually leaves analysis and lives her life, sings opera, marries a Jewish man and they have a child.

The cataclysm that is WWII in Europe overtakes them. As she and her family go to their deaths for being Jewish, she realizes the dream she had was of the reality she is living now. The pain she felt was from the future she would suffer into and die from.

Her dream is of an enormous quiet, grassy field. Silent people in white clothing are setting up endless rows of cots in the field for the thousands of people who are coming through death on earth. There are too many people to process. Traumatized and newly dead people are being helped to lie down on the cots in the field to await whatever comes next.

I’ve probably related this incorrectly since I’ve not read the book in decades. But that image had always haunted me and on 9/11, watching the tower fall, it’s what I remembered. It was an image waiting in my mind for unfathomable reality. Too many people dying at once; cots in lines across a massive field to receive them.

After 9/11 we began to hear from Muslim Americans that they were experiencing intolerance and threats. It sort of seems to me that 9/11 allowed American racism to stand up powerful and arrogant. And here we are now.

What do you remember?

Tags

Comments

I remember being on the phone with you MB for what seemed like hours and not being able to take my eyes off the screen….

I was at work - it was a patient day. Garry called and asked if we had a tv to watch. The second plane had just hit the second tower. I remember the stunned disbelief from us all. Patients didn’t show. The phone stopped ringing as we watched. That night, our oldest and his wife came over as we watched the tv. It was to hard to be alone. I remember the silence from the skies in the next coming days. None of the feelings have lessened in the 20 years since

On September 11, 2001, I was at the Veterinary Clinic where I worked at the time. We were getting ready for our morning surgery, and my boss's wife called, frantically telling us the World Trade Center had been attacked. We had a TV in one of the offices, and turned it on, trying to take in the images we were witnessing. Stunned, we saw the first Tower fall; then the Second. I remember hoping that too many people hadn't gotten to work in those buildings yet. But . . . we had work to do, and it offered a sanctuary of routine and sameness, while we held within us the knowledge that nothing would ever be the same again. The news kept getting worse, the reality more unbelievable. The moment that chilled me the most that day, was when one of our Technicians came in for her afternoon shift. She had thick dark hair, large beautiful dark almond shaped eyes, and olive skin. She told us a man had approached her on the street and accusingly asked "What are you?" When she asked what he meant, he said "What's your background?" She replied "Polish and Chinese." He scoffed and stalked off, leaving her shaken and terrified. I hugged her close, realizing that he could have harmed her, as he looked for someone of the wrong "background" to do God knows what. I realized that in the face of fear and loss of control, Compassion can be hard to maintain; but that is when it's needed most of all.
Mary Beth's picture

That's a really strong story. that very afternoon. 9/11 didn't cause that hatred and racism, it unmasked what was there all along.
Leonard's picture

I loved The White Hotel, and I'm glad you reminded me of it. It was about a woman who was remembering something that hadn't happened yet, something that happened to millions of people, and part of the memory (that she survived the attack) was a memory of someone who wasn't her, but could have been. It made the horrible thing even more horrible, if that's possible. There was an interesting story on NPR regarding movies about 9/11 (https://www.npr.org/2021/09/09/1002261083/how-movies-have-shaped-the-perception-of-9-11) in which he talks about the 2006 movie "The History Boys." The teacher takes the kids to a cemetery, and explains that memorials are a way of hiding things that are too difficult to think about: "Cause so many of our people died. It's not lest we forget. It's lest we remember. See; that's what all this is about - the memorials, the cenotaph, the two-minute silence - because there is no better way of forgetting something than by commemorating it."

Add new comment

CAPTCHA

This question is for testing whether or not you are a human visitor and to prevent automated spam submissions.

"Brotherhood" by Mohamed Mbougar Sarr - A Book Review

10/13/2021

“Brotherhood” by Mohamed Mbougar Sarr is the most compelling novel I’ve read this year. I read the first half as if I was reading a book for the first time; it felt as if the writer was expressing a story so powerful he called it fiction just to get it out, to me, to us. 

I skimmed the second half because I was exhausted by the impossible trauma and decisions the characters would need to endure and try to survive.

Let me say right here than many will survive. Not all.

Thanks & Now Let's Do Pups!

10/13/2021

 Thank You!

I sent our collated list of “Ways to Help My Community” to the Third Graders this morning.  Laura has already shared it with them; I just received this from one kid. This was really cool and helpful thank you for coming back to me so quickly well you always respond quickly like all the time and also I like hiring (hearing) from you always make me smile from writing to pictures I love them all.”

3rd graders on Community Building

10/12/2021

... 

I’m just back from volunteering in the third grade.  I’ve done this for five years; Laura Zahn who is this class’s teacher, plus her friend and fellow teacher Mara, have become among my favorite people in Waukesha. 

My Relationship with a Door 10/5/2021

Dear Friends,

I seem to be out of Deep Thoughts lately. Not sure if this is apparent to you but it is to me. This is not exactly a problem but keeps me guessing what in the world I should be writing. Or - since “should” is a sometimes toxic and generally unhelpful word – these days I am not sure what you want to read and I want to write.

So maybe I’ll just write you a quick Dear Friends. Sometimes relationships are just about checking in.

Up North 9/30/2021

Here’s why I’ve not posted anything in nearly two weeks.

Last week Len and I took a trip to Duluth, MN and Ashland, WI. We hiked seven hikes, met new friends, ate too much. (We didn’t eat IN restaurants. We ate take-out dinners while sitting in our car overlooking Chequamegon Bay.) We marinated in the breezy Up North rhythms of woods, streams, rivers, and Lake Superior. 

Then we came home to all that stuff one does up returning; laundry, groceries, and bringing in the Big Dozers to deal with cat litter boxes. 

Cabeza de Vaca & Company: A 500-Year Old Story for Our Time.

I’ve been thinking about Alvar Nunez Cabeza de Vaca for years and I’ve also been thinking about him for a week.

It’s crazy out there in the world right now and people are, I think, kinda sick of each other. Racism, sexism, and classism are the muck we walk through to get to our cars while our climate is turning into flying monkeys. And the rich keep getting richer.

So let me tell you about a guy I admire.

Tag Cloud

9/11 17 minutes 500 Words AARPtaxes AAUW abortion Acadia accident Accountable Advent anniversary antlers apples Arrows Ashland August Augustine baby balance Baldwin Barkskins Beauty Becky Becoming Esther Berry birthday bistro BLM BookReport boy scout Bread BrokenDays BuyAngry Cabeza de Vaca Cahokia calendars Canada cat romance cats cello Choosing Christmas cilantro Cinnabuns circus clouds Clowns clutter Colonialism comet ComfortZone CommonSense community consumerism Cops Corvid-19 Courage Covid-19 Crazy creditreport creosote CrimeShows death Debate December DecisionFatigue decluttering depression Destination Today Detroit disasterprep dogs dollhouse Dreams Duty Easter eBay Eclipse EmilyDickinson Esquipulas exit polls eyes Fable FairTrade farmer firealarm Fitness Five Flexible flu Fort de Chartres frame Franc FrancGarcia friends frugal Frugality frustration Ft.Ticonderoga Gannets Garden GarfieldParkConservatory Gaspe genius geode GeorgeFloyd ghosts gorgons GovernorThompsonStatePark groceries Guatemala guns happiness HaveYouEver? Healthinsurance HelleKBerry heroes hike History home HomeRepair Honduras Hope HouseinBlueRiver hurricane impeachment Innkeeper integrity InternetPrivacy Interview InviteMe2Speak James Baldwin JoyceAndrews Judy JulianofNorwich justice Karen Lamb LangstonHuges LaphamPeak laundry LeeLeeMcKnight lemming Len Light Lincoln Little Women LockedOut Loki loneliness Love Ludington Macaw macho Manitoulin MargaretFuller Maria Hamilton Marquette marriage masks Mayan MayaWorks meme Memories MilesWallyDiego MindfulChickens Mistakes moon Mother MothersDay mouser movies museums must-haves Mustapha Nancy Drew New Mexico New York City Nomadland Ocotillo OscarRomero osprey Outside oximeter PastorBettyRendon Paul Hessert PDQ Penny persimmon poetry Preaching privacy Protest Quern quest Rabbit holes racism recipe recipes Remember Reruns responsetoKapenga Retirement rhubarb rime RitesofPassage Roses Ruth SamaritanWoman Sanctuary Sandhillcranes Santuario de Chimayo SaraRodriguez sculpture Sermon ServantsoftheQuest sewing Shepherd Shontay ShortStory sick sickness Slower snow Social Security SofritoBandito SpaceShuttle spring square feet staining stele Stereotypes StoryStarts stress Survival swim taxes teenager thankgsgiving Thanksgiving TheBridge ThePerpetualYou ThreeBillBoards ThreeThings TidalBore TimeBeing toddler Tom tortillas Trains travel Traveler Tubing turtle Twilight Bark Tyrone UnrelatedObservations Up North urgency vacation vaccine Valentines vanilla Vietnam VivianWokeUpDrowning vole WalkingAndSeeing Wampanaog war WarsanShire weather weaving wedding WhyAttendChurch Willa WillaCather Wisteria
Ad Promotion