Who's in the Mirror? Representation Matters

4/19/2022

Who’s in the Mirror? Representation Matters

Old story, I’ve probably mentioned it before: In 1977 I was visiting a friend in Ohio for a weekend. We went to her United Methodist Church on Sunday which is in itself amazing since we were two single 20-something women who had been out drinking the night before.

The minister was a woman. She preached an interesting sermon using Bible scripture and a couple stories of her own. She never raised her voice. She didn’t use multisyllabic words. She didn’t swing her arms around or stab the air to makes points. She just talked.

It was the first time I had observed and listened to a female preacher.

Within a year I was in seminary.

Representation matters.

We think something is too hard, or some option we admire is for more impressive people than ourselves. We think an activity or opportunity is not acceptable or appropriate for the sex, gender identification, age, abilities, IQ, race, ethnicity, or body shape that we are. We self-limit ourselves knowingly or unwittingly. We follow arcane and non-relevant laws and rules because we don’t even realize how co-opted our lives are.

When we live in someone else’s paradigm much of it makes enough sense. We get used to the feel of the place and don’t realize we live in lies and indoctrination.

Such as women and girls being embarrassed by what our bodies do. Our mortification at having periods and someone might be able to tell. The myriad goopy wonders of pregnancy and menopause. But then some person we respect says aloud some of the words; periods, menstruation, vagina, discharges, abortion, cramps and yes, the hormonally driven flabby arms of old women - and inside we cringe while wondering – why am I ashamed?

We have learned all our lives to hide mention or discussion of sexual assault because it isn’t a ‘fit’ topic. Right? I believed this for decades. One never mentions rape anywhere except in support groups for survivors. Keep it hidden and private.

When I was running the Employability Skills program in the jail, I occasionally attended seminars on relevant topics. I once went to a workshop run by local women who offered programs for women who had experienced sexual assault. I learned a lot and then took a stack of their business cards. The following week I was running a program upstairs in the jail for about ten women. I was a hesitant to offer the cards because how awkward would YOU feel if YOU were offered contact information for services that help victims of rape? Isn’t this too intense and off-putting? Who, me?  

I will never forget that first moment when I offered those cards. Not one snicker. Each women took one, several took more because they wanted to give them to sisters or friends. All of those women had experienced sexual assault and violence, many as kids.

And yet we don’t mention sexual intimidation or assault in “polite society” because as long as it is too uncomfortable to mention - it won’t seem real.

Representation matters. Say what’s true.

Most of us don’t talk about race and ethnicity, we just have opinions about it. Yet I can tell you the ugly racist things my very nice grandpas said about people of color. I know what I witnessed and inherited. This is not Critical Race Theory, it’s what we saw and heard and where their prejudice came from, too.

We don’t talk about money and debt. We don’t talk about our children who didn’t “succeed” by conventional definitions of that. We don’t talk very much about our family members who are affected by drugs and alcohol, even though if we all did, we would discover how not alone we are.

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Writing for me is often an unexpected journey of getting on the horse that walks by and then I keep on going. This morning I read this current ACLU list of banned books. I copied it because I don’t know most of these titles; I want to borrow them from the library to read.  

This growing (or so it feels) cultural fog of intolerance is ugly, strange, and fueled by ignorance and greed. Fight it by saying what’s true.

Don’t let them define who we are, what our experiences have been and are now. It’s critical that we keep saying who we really are. Representation matters.

James Baldwin: “I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain.”

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Like I just said; I don’t know most of these books. Some are for adults, some are YA, some are kid’s books. But if you want to support representation then borrow, buy, and read some of these books.

ACLU list of books most challenged right now in various states and school districts.

The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison

Heather Has Two Mommies by Leslea Newman, illus Diana Souza (1989 picture book for kids)

All Boys Aren’t Blue by George Johnson (about being Black and queer)

Gender Queer by Maia Kobabe (being non-binary)

Melissa by Alex Gino (POV of a trans girl)

“Stamped: Racism, Anti-Racism, and You” by Ibram X. Kendi and Jason Reynolds (a book for Black kids/all kids that helps them understand how the history and legacy of slavery and racism affects their lives now) 

All American Boys by Jason Reynolds and Brendan Kiely    YA novel

Lawn Boy by Jonathan Evison (Mexican American boy; poverty, sexuality, self-identity)

“The Hate U Give” by Angie Thomas (Black girl on scholarship at a privileged-kids high school and the racism she observes and experiences trying to put her two worlds together)

Between The World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates